As Mothers How Many Times Do We let Go of Our Children?

Dearest Seana – We may feel you have gone too soon, and still deeply mourn your passing. Today is your Freedom Day. Freedom from the confines of the urn we keep your ashes in, freedom from attachments that as mortals who love you, may keep in our hearts something that may hold you back in your journeying - freedom from the pains of this world, and freedom from anything you felt you may not have completed or fulfilled in this life.

I believe your mission is greater than the years you lived amongst us. As your Mum I have brought you to the home I was forced to leave at a young age and I will always hold dear in my heart. It is the place I would sit as a child and dream of my future and of my children. When you and Leah were young I brought you here, and helped you throw stones into the water, telling you how the ocean can heal and how the oceans of the planet hold the secrets of all those who visit. With each wave coming in we can breath in the positive energy that the whole universe generates, and with each wave that is sucked back into the ocean if we will it, our pains and our sorrows can be sucked in too.

We each remember you in our own way, your love of life, generosity, naughty laugh, and your ability to be your own young woman. As we let your earth bound remains leave us, we too leave our sorrows and pains behind, and send with you our positive spirits to journey with you forever, wherever ,you are. Michael Jackson died yesterday I hope his musical spirit keeps you company.

This afternoon the sea will glisten for you and I remember you. This evening - in the words of one of your favorite bands “Take That” - " All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you, for you! And….. I will remember you.

I love you so very much with all my heart, and I know I speak for us all that we send you on your way with joy, happiness, and the knowledge that the world is a better place for your having been with us. Goodbye! our - Darling Seana.... Goodbye. Mum xxxxxxxxx

Cascading Colour - Fading Light

A Study - for the lower part of the...... .....composition around the lotus flower.

COMPOSITION - A WORK IN PROGRESS - FEB 25TH

IN BRIEF; This Composition is for a painting I call LIFE it explains some basics of Nichiren Buddhism and the Buddhist process of transforming negative tendencies in ourselves via "human revolution" which in itself builds our Buddhist faith. The process of "human revolution" is sometimes called "battling fundamental darkness". This inner battle opens our potential to reveal Buddhahood within the 3 existences of past present and future and creates absolute happiness for ourselves and for others.

The wall space I'm using is in a college. I have a few hours a week to work this size. I hope to finish in the next few weeks. :-) if need be I may do another version and then choose the best composition. After painting some studies, I will eventually complete the painting in Oils.

Not sure where yet???? anybody have any idea?

The Life Span Chapter.....

WOW - The Answers to any Questions from a Buddhist perspective, in relation to the Four Sufferings of Birth Old Age sickness and Death are within The Life Span Chapter of the Lotus Sutra. In Particular The life Span Chapter of The Thus Come One. AND BECAUSE of my experience, I am totally getting it....yay!.

I went to a Study Seminar given by Mrs Takahashi (SGI European Women Leader and European Study Chief) At Taplow Court (http://www.sgi-uk.org/index.php/centres/Taplow_Court) yesterday where we studied The Heritage of The Ultimate Law of Life based on President Ikeada's Lectures,discussions and Guidance on this Major Writing by Nichiren Daishonin and included study on The life Span Chapter of The Thus Come One.

In the coming weeks, I will write here about this study - and share how it has helped my new understand of life love and death and my daughter's life and death on a much deeper and fundamental level. That has changed my life towards happiness. And Happiness is the best way to honor my Seana.

Art and Words For Loved Ones....for M

Sketch re: Detail for a Huge composition...watch it come together here...

Art and words for loved ones...for L

GRATITUDE FOR MY MOTHER GRATITUDE FOR MY LIFE

Dear mother (Olive) your secrets will probably have gone with you when you died a week ago. B (my half brother) described you in his tribute on Wednesday, as a HUGE life force, a bit of a tornado. So much energy at times he compared you to the sun. "To a child, warm and essential to life, as an adult you sometimes had to limit your exposure, otherwise you'd frazzle" I wouldn't know about the childhood bit, having met you in my late 30's. But even amid your unpredictable behavior, I was aware of your amazing energy, perception, need to be needed and loved, generosity and assertion of character. it was difficult for you to maintain a relationship with me or my children, your secrets prevented that! However when Seana died I phoned you and your compassion was something I will always treasure. In my last blog, I describe how it went a long way towards my belief that you are now caring for Seana in the eternity of life.

The one huge bit of advice you gave me, ironically, was to own my place on the planet, regardless of what you or others did or said to the contrary. I agreed with you, the un-learning (and new learning via human revolution) I've given to myself enabled me with the assistance of loved ones including the hands on planning and physical help of lovely L (my eldest daughter)to find my way to Yorkshire in order to offer you my final respects. Unbelievably we arrived despite the snow and cancellations of transport out of London. Once there, we took our place amid love and warmth for us from everyone. Thank you L xxx

I feel closure with you now Olive, until we meet again, in the happy times, I am making the causes for us to have together, with love, respect, and gratitude your daughter Ebun. x give Seana an enormous hug from me and L x

NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO - Karmic Ties

WOW My answers arrived by courtesy of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo (NMRK). Why am I surprised? The discomfort and grief I was experiencing felt insurmountable. Even after 20 odd years of practice doubt appeared to be winning out over faith. My mind felt that doubt was my entire reality. But in fact It was only in part of my mind. The wonderful thing is that by continuing in my Buddhist Practice regardless of doubt,I continued to seek out answers to my doubt eg. study, guidance from a senior leader, speaking with family and close friends. This ensured that I was motivated to chant NMRK and keep going no matter what happened...or didn't!. It is this very process that taps the life-force Buddhahood within all of us - my heart won out over my doubt and I taped the life-force of Buddhahood within. I was trusting on my 9th consciousness. So that even amid this personal "presumed insurmountable" grief and doubt!!! I was able to perceive events in my life from MY Buddha WISDOM.

When just over a week ago, my estranged birth mother died, all my efforts (via my practice) to embrace her life, paid up. But first a bit of background.

I have always had the desire to overcome the circumstances of my birth and early childhood as a cause for contributing something special in this lifetime. My practice helped me embrace this as mission and to understand that the deep and profound relationship with my birth and foster mother have been a catalyst for this. In effect I acknowledge five women as having contributed towards my "Right of Passage" each one as important as the other. When my foster mother died 20 odd years ago, I came to understand that, of the three of us, my foster mother who had ensured my survival and took care of me from the age of 2 to 14 and my birth mother were the ones to live the most difficult path. They had not lived or died with answers or understanding of their suffering in this lifetime. They had both been deeply unhappy. However, in the end they both died peacefully. I met the practice just after my foster mother died, but I shared the practice with my birth mother and she chanted for 2mins, (she called it "okering" her own Yorkshire derivative of Diamuku) she obviously has a relationship with Gohonzon and this was a huge cause for her to meet it again. (I feel sure they all will) My gratitude for them lives on in my chanting and activities, I feel an even greater need to honor them in being successful in my efforts for Kosenrufu, after all their lives and circumstances gave me the opportunity to be here doing it.

At the agreement of my half brother and sister I was preparing to visit with my birth mother to offer prayers for her but she died before I set off. I will be attending her funeral next Tuesday. Although my birth mother rejected me and my children found it difficult to embrace her She was able to extend her compassion towards me when Seana died. So what was the pay up? and what does this have to do with Seana? From the moment my birth Mother died, I knew, with my whole life, she is taking care of Seana, that in fact all six of my mothers are, as well as taking care of each other. Seana met all six of them in her life but they never met each other, for me their link to each other was in parenting me, and therefore Seana. My birth mother did not take care of us in this lifetime, but I feel her taking care of us in the eternity of life.

Who knows what links in the eternity of life we all share! Of course I have absolutely no evidence that there is anything to say any of what I FEEL is true. But, just as my entire being was previously filled with grief and a need to know where Seana is !!! now I have the same intensity of feeling that she is fine, that my mothers are taking care of her and that they are all fine. I am happy with that. NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO

One of my mother's Mrs Lynch I named in a song as "Mother of Kosenrufu" this was adopted by SGI-UK. I promised her I would ensure she was remembered at Taplow Court as the first person to chant NMRK in this country and I have made efforts to do this. I NOW re-pledge to increase my efforts again. For me this will be one symbol of my gratitude for all of them.

None of us know the depth of Karma we share with each other, we only have our FAITH, TRUST, FEELINGS, and how we ACT on them. I am deeply grateful I have my practice from which to base all four. I will always treasure this quote for myself now.

From Writing of Nichiren Daishonin p. 596 "Even though I cannot see you. I am certain that your heart is here. If you find that you miss me. Always look at the sun that rises in the morning and the moon that rises in the evening. What ever time, I will be reflected in the sun and moon. And in the next life, let us meet in the pure land of Eagle Peak".

Where Are YOU?

So Christmas has passed and a new year has arrived. One full of new hope, amid wars,world recession, despair and helplessness. So where is the hope? for one Barack Obama - the new light from USA will be the 44th president - his Inaugural ceremony takes place on January 20, He is not only the the first Black man ever nominated as the Leader of a Major political party in a presidential race in the US but this historical event witnesses the first black person to win a presidential election and to be sworn in as President. If this can happen in my life time ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!!!

My illness has made itself known for the last few weeks. It brings discomfort, pain, and often a feeling of hopelessness. But also motivates my fighting spirit, my love of life of self of family, loved ones and friends, my wish to understand, contribute, and share in life continually wins out over any negativity. I like to think that this fundamental fight for life is shared by all.

Seana's death has made me question core questions of life and death. I find myself continually asking one of the most fundamental questions. "Where have you gone?"

For this reason I am going to make a concerted effort to understand the Buddhist concept of "The Eternity of life". I will study, and therefore gain an intellectual perception of the subject, but my main aim is to understand it with my heart. I want to feel spiritually at rest with the questions "Where is Seana?" "Where is my youngest daughter?".

When my girls were very young and they were away on a school trip, I would tell them, "listen in the Cold-Drink-Machine's buzz, listen in the wind, look at the sun or the moon, and you will hear me chanting for you and know that I am with you.

I will use the quote below from Writing of Nichiren Daishonin p. 596 as my inspiration:
Nichiren is telling the Lay Nun of Ko that the arrival of her messenger husband on the desolate Sado Island where he was exiled, lifted his spirits. He says;

"Even though I cannot see you. I am certain that your heart is here. If you find that you miss me. Always look at the sun that rises in the morning and the moon that rises in the evening. What ever time, I will be reflected in the sun and moon. And in the next life, let us meet in the pure land of Eagle Peak".

Will I feel Seana when she is reborn or can I feel her now - in the pure land of Eagle Peak and if so how can I?