One Year On

We always have choices in life, even in the most dire of circumstances we can choose to find choices. Do we live with distress, do we put our head in the sand and hope beyond hope, that something, anything will come along and change our circumstance, or do we make an asserted effort to do something, anything, to forge a positive path forward for ourselves.

Moving on, can feel like leaving behind our Seana: she physically cannot share the changes with us, and I see no evidence of her benefiting from anything I do. Sometimes I don't even feel her anymore, my own baby! my own daughter, a young woman of 26, who shared her life with many, and added to the lives of the many children she worked with and of friends, family! But I know that in the eternity of life the circle is always moving and we all of us move together. My grief will move to gratitude and joy. This blog is but one tool to help me do that. Thankyou M for showing me by your example how to do it, and all your hands on help:-).

Seana, the best way to honor you is to move on with our lives, is to be as happy and as loving, and as contributory as we can. So here is some news. Your sister has become 30 and has created a home that she loves. She is travelling with children from her school to Uganda next year in her capacity as music teacher. N and I got married, L and I sang together in their ceremony, she looked a picture, it was a fab wedding.

I am continuing with my art projects, working on my film "Sunflowers", and applying to do an art MA at Goldsmiths to complete my research and finish my huge canvases depicting Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism. M has finished the first part of his OU art history course and handed in his essay. E is 60 in a few weeks.

Your father and M will speak for themselves, they still do not want me in their life. L is taking care of your beloved nephews, and soon I hope to spend time with k and his mum, they have moved to Folkeston.

I will say this of F he is a good father. I was proud of his having raised £4000 recently for the Lupus trust with his iron man contribution - and also for the poem he wrote and read at your funneral(I will publish it here). It is, and always has been his behaviour towards me that I have not been able to cope with. Maybe you can see for yourself now, that it is never possible to change another's heart, we can only develop and change our own, and in the process touch others. In that I will continue.